You want some advice? Itll be hard work, but I genuinely think it can be done. April 9, 2012, 12:24 pm. I am very much in love with my husband and believe him when he says he loves me too. Who the hell else is clicking that button??! Many women become habituated to the hormone regimen and begin ovulating again, even while on the pill. Some people are correct that the LWs anger is displaced. There are so many variations on how the parents choices can conflict but no choice after the fact will make it even for both mother and father. I have nothing against casual sex or sex without a relationship, but you should still have some sort of base level of respect for the people you are banging. You have no say whatsoever in this situation. Going through the comments here, right on cue, I already record no less than five times that the boyfriend is called scum or scumbag. By clicking Sign Up, you agree to our Yes everyone went bonkers. And oxygen. He wants nothing to do with her OR the baby? Look, you broke up with him because your relationship had some problems, and because of trust issues, and his inability to commit to you. "Cry, vent and . There was a single picture of my ex-boyfriend, his then-girlfriend, and their first child. We were back and forth and it was very frustrating for me so I gave him an ultimatum I told him that he either wanted to make it work and we move forward, or, that I was leaving to another city to start over without him. Hey, honey, I thought you had control over your bodies? Eggzactlee, though I dont burn effigies as we have Spare the Air days in CA. How silly I have been. April 10, 2012, 6:37 pm. Both have to accept responsibility for that. A month after the abortion, while I waited for my luggage at the baggage claim, three babies surrounded me, all under a year. This is a great contrast to Wendys piece about Drew being a great husband/dad. Dude, thats seriously out of line. Sure. Your choice. Ok, so this dude: If the woman in question is also 40, I highly doubt her birth control failed. Dudes inner-monologue consists of the word Fuck clouded by that ringing noise you get after leaving a concert. April 9, 2012, 2:44 pm. Just sayin. 4) The boyfriend, especially given his age (and that this cant be blamed on youthful impulsiveness), doesnt look the best in this scenario. Its not fair to create a child and then abandon it. If that means not being with your boyfriend for the next 9 months to a year, then so be it (I dont think youll die without him). bittergaymark Man, I was having a crappy morning and now I feel SO MUCH BETTER, because Im not this LW. She and Jimmy were going to raise their children together. The entire letter reeked of entitlement. WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR BOYFRIENDS PROBLEM. Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. Please let your sons know that, whether you agree that its fair or not, that is the way it works because if they end up whining about paying to support a kid with their DNA it will accomplish nothing but to make them look ignorant. Men get to abandon freely and pay no child support if they dont want anything to do with the kid? But if that rape victim gave birth to the child, dropped it on the rapists doorstep and left, its highly probable that the law would pursue her for child support. Inc. Lee's Summit MO. Fair or not, the facts are what they are. Hell, I dont even know the lady in question, and I can tell that shell be a lousy mother, too. The dude in your story is a pretty big idiot if he doesnt want to be a dada but the word of a woman he had known for two minutes that she was on the pill was enough to get him to bone her. He gets a girl pregnant and then tells her to get rid of it because its an inconvenience for him to have to deal with it? Men should be held at least halfway responsible for the resulting pregnancy and child but should have no authority to decide upon his involvement. Pardon me, butare you fucking KIDDING me?! And he has agreed to support the child financially. That means from a mental, obvious, and circumstantial standpoint, the girl is at the disadvantage. Is that pretty much it? Also, when you call people honey constantly or tell them to go read a lawbook(?) Really!? is significantly higher than the risk of contracting HIV, which is actually not all that contagious. All it is is having someone served w papers requiring them by law to have a q tip swab their mouth. But shes having his baby and whether he likes her, loves her, or hates her, that baby is his child. When its the woman who will suffer the consequences, its the woman who should be vigilant. If the woman chooses to take on the responsibility of raising the child alone, she ought not have the right to force the indentured servitude (financial or otherwise) of the father against his stated wishes. Theres nothing wrong with casual sex. April 10, 2012, 9:06 pm. She looked enough to bang, though, huh? Im not a lawyer, or in any way familiar with the law about these things, so my assumption is based on what a friend told me first hand about his experience. April 9, 2012, 3:57 pm. Where does the stork fit in? I get from the tone of your letter that you are bitter. What a laugh. There are many other examples of behavior that might possibly lead to unwanted consequences that we each do daily. Answer (1 of 60): I would drop kick him out the door. lets_be_honest -Tried to pressure her into getting an abortion This is when we see rebound relationships. female And while not using a condom might not be the end all be all of crazy mistakes, he should have known better. I am willing to give this guy a teeney, tiny shred of doubt that he is in shock and is responding poorly, but that he could be a decent guy who will come around wants he gets his head around the situation. I noticed you dutifully avoided addressing that.. Exactly. She told him she got pregnant on the pill, which I think is a lot of cod wallop. Life had another plan, and be glad you get to see who he is and how you dodged the bullet. by Kara Straight May 11, 2018. Sounds like he is 40 and stupid and she is a user and tramp, based on what your story says. ha, Ive done too many drugs too. The only thing I can say that no one else has so far is, why would she want to trap this man?! My biological father, whom Ive never met, responsibly paid child support and didnt confuse me by dropping in and out of my life. But, they both had lawyers. Neither are the kids, but thats beside the point where feminism is concerned, right? 2) A woman having an abortion is not the same as a man refusing to have anything to do with a child. Not exactly. Of course there are the people who assert that others have no right to an opinion regarding birth control, abortion, or other actions. While it would be ridiculous to only have sex if you intended to conceive a child, it should still be in the back of everyones mind that it *can* happen, and if so, the woman, whos burdened with the pregnancy, gets to make the final call. So, Chuck, despite the fact that no one is denying the fact that there are some people out there trying to game the system, Chuck, the fact that shes pregnant is equally their responsibility. A guy does have every right to tell her look, Im not ready to do this. female The guy has not opted out of a childs life. Your body, your choice; however, your choice, your problem. BC. Be responsible for your own bodies and your own choices. It upsets me how much anger seems to be directed towards this unborn child. IF men want to engage in condomless sex and want a choice (which women DONt have btw, we dont TELL our bodies when we want our eggs fertilized and when we dont, I WISH we could that would be such an intelligent design feature!) She refused to listen. Its not exactly the same by any means, but similar enough for me to have thought it. Susie is on birth control but they still discuss what names their eventual children will have. Women can choose whether to bind a man to support their child without the mans discretion. female He chose to roll the dice and take his chances with intercourse. We remained friends with Benefits for months because I wanted too and he said with or without sex, he doesn't want to lose this friendship but I wanted the sex lol I . And as a grown adult; as a person whos lived 40 years and should have acquired a sense of decency and maturity; you should own up to the consequences of your actions. And thats a double entendr. 22. . Hes not obligated to be there emotionally, especially if he made it clear to the woman that he did not want this baby in the first place. Taking no personality responsibility whatsoever and then whining about the consequences? And those young boys and those young boys parents have wages garnished for the next 18 years to pay for the rapists child. How does your law see that both get what they want? April 9, 2012, 12:49 pm. Heres a thought experiment for you: I've always felt like I was put on this planet to be a mom, but when . and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. LW, this guy sounds like a scumbag. Get your hands off my uterus! she didn't know that she's pregnant after in 4 month later. hes signing up for sex, not fatherhood. The guy had sex (presumably) without a condom with a woman that (he at least believed) was on the pill. You see being nurturing as a weakness. I love your snark this morning!! LW says they were separated for two months. It's believed to be ineffective because for years people thought there were sperm cells in pre-cum, but that's a myth. Abortion and adoption are both horrifying thoughts to Susie but she has no choice. Its unfortunate that he may potentially be a life-long relationship as parents with this woman, in addition to the legal responsibilities for the child, but any 40 year old man knows that is a potential risk. Reframed to show the low quality of the comparison: Would you like an abortion? = Would you like fries with that? > OK! I just found out that someone he had slept with before we got back together is pregnant. April 9, 2012, 9:23 am. If he truly wants nothing to do with his child and is willing to pay his obligatory financial support, I dont think that makes him a scumbag, I think thats good foresight. He sounds like bad news. Also I take that because your boyfriend knew she was on the pill he didnt use a condom. We were together for 2 1/2 years, lived together, got a dog together, talked about mar. Its when a mans sperm connects with a womans egg. Both men and women create children. Wow..two mintueswhen did he realize he couldnt stand her before or after the two minutes? Take it from me, every man screws up at some point. Though Ill grant you one concession: Not having this man in a childs life might be a blessing in disguise. -Got her pregnant Be a grownup, decide if this relationship is worth the less perfect, more dramatic parts, and act accordingly. These Are The 5 Signs Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship. If you know you absolutely dont want kids, do everything you can to prevent them. He could be upset (and who wouldnt be) if he didnt want it but she was keeping it anyway. Does that change the situation as all? Thats nature, Tim. The fact that all this happened doesnt mean hes some despicable jackass.. April 9, 2012, 11:16 am, Oh, good lord. November 19, 2012, 3:02 pm. You know, I dont have much patience this morning,. Cut your losses and get the hell out. But the woman needs to be prepared to accept his involvement as strictly financial. So, yes, I can see why hed be furious. You are an entitled, awful, C.U.N.T for even THINKING that you have an opinion on what this woman does with her pregnancy. .. but what if she did deceive him? A forty year old man should know that once is all it takes to handcuff himselfto someone for the next 19 years or so. So, stop with the 19th century stuff about doing the right thing. Women have complete reproductive autonomy. when i was single i acted as if the other people i was involved with werent thinking about it. April 9, 2012, 7:09 pm. Now I'm happily married and live in Orlando. He didnt come chasing after you. Go argue with the feminists. What a joke. Personally, I think they should be given a one-time option to opt-out if the woman wants to keep the child and the man doesnt. A scumbag? SweetsAndBeats He actually did believe he was the dad, which means he actually did cheat with this other woman. Its wrong and its not fair, and thats what should be changed, not the fact that a man who voluntarily engaged in activities that everyone knows could result in pregnancy can *gasp* be sued for child support for a kid he doesnt really want. so we have a 8mth baby. So, really, I guess I disagree with the majority of the comments here. Women dont have to choose between the two both are within their purview. April 9, 2012, 9:39 pm. He doesnt have to have a relationship with her, but like it or not, if hes a real man, he will be there for HIS child, and even his ex. I vehemently disagree when it is not in that order. THERE IS NO CHILD AT CONCEPTION. Id confirm that hes actually the father. The way you talk, I gotta believe youre one of those disgusting pro-lifers who are always trying to control people.
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